What Can You Do?
by All-things
Summary: Peter and Andrew are met with an unpleasant situation well on a mission.


What Can You Do?

A/N: This is an experiment of sorts. I am experimenting with a different writing style than the one I usually write in, so we'll see how that goes. I don't own Hogan's Heroes, but I hope that doesn't stop you from enjoying this story.

* * *

Out of all the categories I could label this story, I would have to say that it would have to be placed in the humorous one, as it is more funny than anything else, although humor itself is a matter of opinion. For example, I could think that a singing cow was funny and you could think that it was ridiculously absurd, and the fact that it was ridiculously absurd could be the reason why I thought that it was funny. So do not blame me, dear reader, if this tale does not strike you as amusing. It happened as it happened. To write it any other way would be untrue to the whole turn of events. But I am sure that you are wondering what it is that I do not claim to be funny to you or even funny to me. First, I must beg your pardon, for I do not know all of the details, as I was not there. It is a popular story among my family and we all dearly love to hear our favorite grandfather tell the tale. But I shall do my best.

It happened late one night in the middle of Nazi Germany. Andrew Cater and Peter Newkirk were busily setting the charges that were to destroy the bridge that they were underneath.

If I recall, I do believe that this event took place not too long after the RAF fliers accidentally bombed the Hamelburg Zoo. At least that would account for the various animals that Andrew wanted to take 'home'.

It was about midnight when they were done.

"There, that should do it," Andrew said with a satisfied look. To say that he liked blowing things up would be an understatement.

"Good. Now then, let's get out of 'ere, shall we?" Peter said, as he led Andrew to a safe distance. He knew how much his friend love to watch his handiwork, and despite the uneasy feeling that he'd had ever since they saw that gorilla, Peter didn't see the harm in staying around for a bit. After all, the explosion would probably scare all of the animals away.

They waited for five minutes, before that quiet little spot wasn't so quiet any more. With a flash of light and a deafening roar, the bridge transformed from a magnificent stone structure into nothing more than rubble and dust.

Andrew smiled like he had just been elected the President of his United States. Peter simply shook his head in amusement at his friend's enthusiasm. _So __much__ like __a __child, __in so __many __ways._

I heard Peter say that about Andrew once. Yes, I have had the pleasure of meeting the Englishman. In fact, I have met all of them. But that is another story.

"Carter, we should get goin'. The Gov'ner's goin' to bite our 'eads off if we come in late again."

"Okay." They walked in silence for some time before Andrew asked, "Do you think that the koala bears we saw earlier are still around?"

"'Ow should I know? Besides you ain't takin' 'em 'ome, anyways. The Gov'ner would 'ave a fit if we brought somethin' back with us."

"But the Colonel didn't mind Freddy and a koala bear isn't dangerous in any way. I could-"

"Andrew."

"Yes?"

"No."

"Aw, come on. They're not that big and-"

"No_._"

"Please?"

Peter sighed. I should tell you, that this was very much like the conversation they'd had on the way to the bridge. After the American first saw them, he begged and pleaded with Peter to let him take one home with them. And I do believe that Peter's anger level was starting to go 'off the scale' as some would say.

With all the arguing back and forth, they completely missed the big black shape that had been following them for some time.

Suddenly, Peter stopped.

"What's wrong? Do you hear a patrol?" Andrew asked as he looked around for any sign of the enemy, all thoughts of cute, fuzzy animals gone.

"Andrew, do you hear…panting?" asked Peter a little hesitantly.

Andrew looked at his English friend with a puzzled look. Then something caught his eye. Looking back behind them he saw the big, no _huge_, black gorilla that they'd seen earlier.

They stood where they were, too afraid to move. If you were in their shoes, I'm sure you would've done the same.

The gorilla watched them. It was dark, so they were unable to see its face. It stayed where it was for a moment, then began to move towards them. Without a second thought, Peter and Andrew ran as fast as they could away from the black beast. But as I'm sure you are aware, gorillas are much faster than most humans. It caught up to them easily. With long arms, it shoved Peter to the side, grabbed Andrew and began to cuddle him in its hairy arms.

Now I remind you, this is a comical tale. This story is so outlandish that you may doubt the truth of it, like a fairy tale or a bedtime story. But it is true and to say that they weren't terrified would be a lie. For I can assure you, they didn't find this predicament very funny at the time.

"N-n-newkirk," Andrew squeaked from inside the big monkey's embrace.

Peter, who was still on the ground, looked up to see his friend's panicked face peeking out from behind fury arms. I've heard that Peter was a man of many talents and experiences, but this was something completely new to him. In front of him, Andrew was being hugged by a monkey. Carefully, Peter got up.

"N-newkirk, get him off me!" Andrew pleaded.

Peter stood there for a minute. "I think it likes you, mate," was all he could think to say. Now you mustn't be too hard on Peter, he wasn't trying to be insensitive or unfeeling. This was just so bizarre that he didn't quite know how deal with it. After all, the gorilla didn't appear to be harming Andrew in any way.

"Newkirk!"

"All right, all right, I'm thinkin'. This isn't like anything I 'ave ever seen so be patient."

"P-p-hatient? That's easy for you to say. You're not the one being hugged by a gorilla!"

"Oh, stop your natterin'. It seems friendly enough. By the way it's rockin' ya like a baby I'd say it doesn't mean any 'arm."

"Newkirk, please."

"All right, I think I've got it."

Luckily for Andrew, Peter had spent a good portion of his life in the circus, so he was quite knowledgeable on nature of monkeys. It hadn't been all that difficult to distract the beast from its prize. Peter had simply taken a fallen branch and lured the oversized ape away. When he came back, he found his friend sitting in a shaking mess at the foot of a tree. You can imagine the type of trauma that someone like Andrew would be going through after an event such as this.

Peter gently hauled Andrew to his feet and began to lead him back to camp. The trip back was uneventful, much to the relief of Andrew's nerves. When they climbed down the ladder and into the tunnels that were located underneath Stalag 13 (I have always been amazed at the things that the men had done right under the Nazis noses), Colonel Robert Hogan was waiting for them.

"What took so long?" Robert asked his men. He always worried about his men when they didn't come back on time. That is what I believe was one of the main reasons that his men loved him so much. He cared about them and I've learned that that can make a big difference.

Peter look at Andrew. "Well, sir," he said, "I'm not sure you're goin' to believe us if we tell you."

"Try me."

"I was hugged by a gorilla," Andrew said quietly. He was still in shock from the whole thing.

"What?" Robert said in disbelief. Could you really blame him?

"It's true, Gov'ner, Andrew 'ere was cuddled by a gorilla," Newkirk affirmed.

It took some convincing, but Peter and Andrew were able to persuade Robert into believing that they weren't crazy, which they weren't. They were sane people put into a crazy situation. Now, they both look back on that night and laugh. After all, it was an odd event. They tell the story now to their grandchildren, of which I am one of. I love listening to the stories that grandfather Peter brings to life. He was always a good storyteller. This one is my favorite, though. It reminds me that anything can happen and it often does. Life is like that. What can you do?

The End

* * *

A/N: I hope you liked it. Many thanks to Deana for proof reading this story for me.


End file.
